Frank, whose unique communication style has had me scratching my head in bewilderment while rolling around on the floor, gasping for air, pointed out that I must speak every language in the world. It's true. I do speak every language in the world, particularly if every language in the world is this:

• English


• French – but as pointed out several times previously, not that snooty French from France but the far superior, rock'n'roll Québécois variety


• Spanish, although it has mostly faded away due to disuse


• A little Catalan – really!


• A little Swedish


• A little Danish – but it mostly comes out like Swedish (any comments? You know who you are. You know you wanna...)


• A little Dutch


• A little Hebrew – more than some prayers. I can speak enough for Israelis to understand what I'm saying and mock my accent, poor grammar, and practically non-existent vocabulary

When I was a kid I lived in Poland, but I cannot remember anything of the language. Going back didn't bring anything back to me either. Too bad.

I can say "hello", "good-bye", "please", "thank you", and "Do you speak English/French/Spanish?" in several languages too, but if don't speak them, they're probably not real languages.

If you count wanting-to-learn-Arabic-because-it-is-so-amazingly-cool-sounding as a language, then I speak that too.

What do you speak?