Actual phone conversation with my mother last year's Mother's Day

ring ring ring

Mum: Hello.

Snobby: Hey.

Mum: Is something wrong? I just talked to you yesterday.

Snobby: (Instantly exasperated) No! It's Mother's Day and I was just calling to say Happy Mother's Day.

Mum: Well it's a good thing you caught me. I'm on my way out and I can't talk all that long.

Snobby: Uh...ok...well, Happy Mother's Day.

Mum: Thank you! But since when do I care about some made-up holiday?

Snobby: I know! But all my friends are guilt tripping me because I say I don't do anything special on Mother's Day!

Mum: But I don't care about Mother's Day.

Snobby: That's what I keep telling them! But they're, like, buying cards and chocolates and special hundred-dollar bouquets they pre-ordered weeks ago. And Too Cute For His Own Good...remember him?

Mum: Yeah. He is cute.

Snobby: Well he's taking his mother to Aruba for a week and I...

Mum: (Laughs) Can you imagine the two of us trapped to together on a beach for a week? Right.

Snobby: (Laughs) Well, no.

Mum: You tell your friends that I am just fine.

Snobby: I will, Mom.

Mum: Now I have to go. Your father's been waiting in the car for me all this time and he's starting to beep the horn. (Yells full blast straight into the receiver) I'm coming! Christ! (Returns to "inside" voice) He can't hear me. We're going to see an exhibit on 19th Century frontier kitchen implements at the Museum!

Snobby: (Ears still ringing) Uh...have fun.

Mum: We will! Thanks for calling. I love you.

Snobby: I love you too, Mom.

(Thanks to DC and, of course, to Mom for the inspiration for this entry)