Why do I do these things? Today I applied for another job. I read and reread the job description and tweaked my CV accordingly to highlight those skills and experience relevant to the position. I then spent an agonizing four hours of my life I'll never get back writing and rewriting my cover letter. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I am a terrible typist and have to be very careful to read and reread and reread reread reread reread...I learned this lesson years ago when I accidentally applied for a job at the Canadian Heart and Storke Foundation. sigh

So I read and reread, managing to avoid telling my potential boss that I managed a "dwatabass" (although it does sound like a fun thing to manage!) and that I "supervised a staff of twenty-five employs". It was perfect, I say. Perfect.

So then I wrote my three-sentence email to cover the cover letter and blissfully hit "send" instead of "spell", sending the cover letter-less, CV-less, typo-full job application – and my future – spinning off into the void.

Why do I do these things?

I may as well have sent them this cover letter that I wrote to clear my mind when I couldn't find the perfect way of phrasing something while writing the real one:

Tremble, mortal!

Bow down before the might of Snobby [I actually used my real name, duh]. I am perfect. My knowledge spans the countless millennia from before your puny ancestors were nothing but organic muck on an infant world. My powers are boundless and my ire will be terrible should you give this employment opportunity to a lesser being. Risk my wrath and suffer the terrible consequences. An eternity of pain...an eternity of torture...an eternity of agony!

Please contact me at your earliest convenience should you have any questions or to set up an interview.

Sincerely,

Snobby