Oh those brave conservatives! Those bold, courageous keepers of the way! Those noble guards against the decline of Western Civilization into moral turpitude! Their continuing quest to demonstrate that the world was a much better place in the 1950s has taken on new and groundbreaking proportions. And as for the rest of us? Maybe we'll get our restricted country clubs and Edsels back! Do we dare dream the daring dream of true daringness?First stop, Washington. The totally, always completely legitimate George Dubya Bush has said No! to the nay-sayers who seek to deflate his God-given presidential mandate has made a exhilarating surprise announcement: he supports a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. Ring the church bells, Debbie-Joe, for redemption is nigh!
The fact that sideline issues such as an illegal an unnecessary war (maybe two! Y'hear that, Iran?) is bleeding the country dry and about to plunge an entire region into a pit of carnage deeper than the Dead Sea is not important right now. Gotta concentrate on the important things like who your neighbour falls in love with when your approval rating is lower than the sceptic tank.
Meanwhile up closer to where I live and love, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen "On my knees before Bush" Harper has made a bold move of his own. He has announced that he, manly soul that he is, will table a motion in September asking federal Members of Parliament if they think the same-sex marriage debate should be reopened.Bravely done, Prime Minister. Even though the federal law has been in place for about a year (and even longer in some provinces), even though it's enshrined in the Canadian Bill of Rights, even though most Canadians don't care, even though even your own Cabinet Ministers wish the debate "would just go away", you stride forth and boldly state that one day soon you're thinking about asking, "Hey guys? Do you think that like one day we should like maybe talk about this whole like same-sex thing again even though it will like totally fail in like both the House of Commons and the Senate?" I just love a manly man! I could just kiss you (with tongue!), you big lug you.
I, for one, relish a return to the Golden Age of the 1950s, even though – as a gay Jew – I probably wouldn't be able to live where I want, work where I want, or live my life with anything even approaching dignity. I'd probably have to get a job as a sequin-encrusted piano bar entertainer, ballet dancer, or hairdresser. But on the up side, 1950s women's fashions are way cooler than today's crack whore look, which would be a plus if I became a hairdresser!
No matter how you look at it, the future looks as bright as a fluorescent star on the top of a Technicolor Christmas Tree and I'm stuffing sweet icing down my gullet.
