A conversation with Dr DG during a commercial break in "Family Guy":

DG: How many guys have you dated in the past couple of months?

Me: Define "dating".

DG: Um ... been on more than three dates with.

Me: Dunno ... four, I guess. No. Five. No. Four. The one with bad breath only got two dates.

DG: God! What do you do to them?

Me: [shrug] Guess I'm not meeting the right guys.

DG: Hmmmmmph ... [takes a sip of beer and quickly squeezes this in just before Peter Stewie says something droll] I think you just keep dumping them so you don't have to clean your apartment.

Am I that shallow? I drink espresso and like classical music. How could I possibly be that shallow?

I have date #4 with a guy who looks like a tall Anderson Cooper with dark hair. I wonder how long I can hold out before I have to clean my dump and invite him over.