Despatie Still Not Gay

Despite several hundred attempts to make Quebec diver, Alexandre Despatie, gay by googling the search words "alexandre" + "despatie" + "gay", hundreds of new visitors to this site have been unable to turn the photogenic young diver into a homosexual.

"I don't understand it," said googler, Einojohani Kähkönen-Lappalainen, 32, of Turku, Finland. "I have googled over and over again and I have found several hundred sites that contain all three of these words – and Surly's is by far the superior one, by the way. Unfortunately I have not found any confirmation that he is, in fact gay. Perhaps if I continue to google the words, I will find the proof of my hypothesis. I just know that if I persist, it will come to pass."

"I just don't understand how he cannot be gay!" lamented Joop van der Ginckelschiep, 47, of Bruges, Belgium. "He has that angel face, the funky shaggy haircut, the imaginatively sassy facial hair, and that body that's is just bursting out of the little speedo! I just don't get it."

Although Surly has no direct evidence of M. Despatie's heterosexuality, he has it on very good authority that although the diver celebrates the diversity of all his fans and he thanks them wholeheartedly for their support, he is definitely straight and no amount of googling his name will change this fact.

Quel dommage.

Gloria

While strolling through Toronto's fashionable Distillery district yesterday, fantastically cool bloggers Radmila and Surly were attacked by an ignorant thing too young for its own good. The blogger were innocently perusing the artistic wares of the district while discussing the recent, untimely death of 80s superstar Laura Branigan. The ignorant young thing turned to the pair and asked, "Why does that name sound familiar to me?"

As Radmila and Surly Snobby regarded the ignorant young thing, they realised that it could not have been born before Branigan became a star in the early 80s, which really was not all that long ago. They then proceeded to cast a spell on it by singing a rousing chorus of "Gloria", transforming the ignorant young thing into a F*%#ed-Up My Pretty Pony that was left to melt in the acid rain on the Distillery's cobblestone streets.

Happy Birthday Song

Here is a very happy birthday song by my latest brand-new favouritest singer of all time, Quebec's Pierre Lapointe. They are very uplifting to the rapidly aging. I'm sorry there's no translation into English. I couldn't possibly do it justice.

Tel un seul homme
Et si je vous disais que même au milieu d'une foule
Chacun, par sa solitude, a le cœur qui s'écroule
Que même inondé par les regards de ceux qui nous aiment
On ne récolte pas toujours les rêves que l'on sème

Déjà quand la vie vient pour habiter
Ces corps aussi petits qu'inanimés
Elle est là telle une déesse gardienne
Attroupant les solitudes par centaines...

Cette mère marie, mère chimère de patrie
Celle qui viendra nous arracher la vie
Celle qui, comme l'enfant, nous tend la main
Pour mieux tordre le cou du destin

Et on pleure, oui on pleure la destinée de l'homme
Sachant combien, même géants, tout petits nous sommes

La main de l'autre emmêlée dans la nôtre
Le bleu du ciel plus bleu que celui des autres
On sait que même le plus fidèle des apôtres
Finira par mourir un jour ou l'autre

Et même amitié pour toujours trouver
Et même après une ou plusieurs portées
Elle est là qui accourt pour nous rappeler
Que si les hommes s'unissent
C'est pour mieux se séparer

Cette mère marie, mère chimère de patrie
Celle qui viendra nous arracher la vie
Celle qui, comme l'enfant, nous tend la main
Pour mieux tordre le cou du destin

Et on pleure, oui on pleure la destinée de l'homme
Sachant combien, même géants, tout petits nous sommes

Car, tel seul un homme, nous avançons
Vers la même lumière, vers la même frontière
Toujours elle viendra nous arracher la vie
Comme si chaque bonheur devait être puni

Et on pleure, oui on pleure la destinée de l'homme
Sachant combien, même géants, tout petits nous sommes

Paroles et musique: Pierre Lapointe
Édition: Éditorial Avenue

mother gives birth, eats children

An onlooker watched in horror as a mother gave birth and proceeded hunt her own infants and eat them. AlefAlef, 972, of Toronto watched Pearly-Jean Pnina, 6 months, his mother-of-pearl swordtail give birth to several offspring and then devour each and every one in the fish tank on his desk.

"It was horrible," he exclaimed. "The little ones tried to hide amongst the plants and gravel, but she found them all. She was relentless! And she's still giving birth. How am I supposed to do anything with all these high-pitched fish screams distracting me from my important work?"

Police have not indicated whether they intend to press charges against Ms Pnina.

Thanks Mr V.